Sunday, November 27, 2011

Day 1

I've given this a lot of thought.  Do I share my thoughts and feelings of one of my most personal life-long inner struggles? Will it help to share?  Could it help others?  What if I fail?  For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with my weight and my self image.  I spent a number of years blaming others for my bad decisions and laziness, but I've come to grips that no one has forced me to eat the foods I've eaten.  No one has kept me from being involved in physical activities.  In fact, my family was wonderful enough to try to help me, to encourage me to eat better, to join a gym and go with me on multiple occasions and during multiple points in my life.  My family did what they could, and it is my fault and mine alone for not taking better care of this body that God has graciously given me.

For years, I heard, "Sarah, if you would just lose 5, 10, even 15 more pounds, you would look so much better!", or even thinking to myself "... that top would look so much better if I could tone up my middle section just a little bit".  Hearing and thinking those thoughts is like constantly being told they way I look now is not good enough.  I hate standing in my bedroom, 20 minutes before I have to be somewhere, and struggling to find something appropriate to wear that looks decent and doesn't show my belly or isn't too tight.  So, the other day, I finally took charge.  I bit the bullet and took out all the clothing in my closet that no longer fits.  I put the items I someday hope to fit back into in a box and then set aside clothes I can donate.  I felt much better decluttering my bedroom and then went to declutter my kitchen!  Much better!

And today, I start my new eating plan and goal to improve my self and my body.  I woke up and had a glass of Awake! red tea and got ready for work, then fixed a quick salad with tomatoes and feta cheese topped with balsamic vinaigrette dressing.  I was almost late for work, but at least I got some yummy food in my system.  I also grabbed some grapes and a Fiber One Plus bar just in case I got hungry at work, which I did.  I went grocery shopping and grabbed lots of fruit and veggies, some yogurt, organic breads and of course, my favorite Silk chocolate milk and then headed home for the day!  Laundry and a healthy snack (an orange and some sugar snap peas with a glass of water) before watching my FAVE new show, Once Upon a Time, and doing 124 pushups.  Yes, 124.  I started a 125 day challenge yesterday.  Every day for the next 125 days, I will do some form of exercise along with another physical activity in preparation for toning my body and changing my lifestyle.  Yesterday was 125 sit-ups.  So, on to the pushups we go!  Then I'll fix a little wheat pasta and a salad for dinner and head to chapter!  I think day one has gone pretty good so far.  I don't expect for this journey to be easy or for me to be perfect during this.  It will be hard, I will face challenges and I will fall.  But I'll also get back up and keep working.  I don't have a weight goal or a size goal.  I want to be physically fit, feel comfortable in my own skin, like what I look like and not be embarrassed when I have to be in front of other people.  I want to change the way I live and encourage my family and friends to do the same.  So, here goes day #1.

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